I'm not your friend

Yesterday afternoon I told my eldest son (Z) I wasn't his friend.

He was mad (he is a redhead after all, so being angry isn't a new thing around here). He had been playing lego with his younger brother, but his brother wasn't "doing it right" and now Z wanted me to step in and build some type of ship from Star Wars.

But guess what? I didn't want to. And so I didn't.

I told him no.

He grumbled and complained and kicked up a fuss.

I told him no again.

He whined and cried and destroyed his already built lego creation.

I told him no a third time. I reminded him that I had already spent a good chunk of the day focused on them. I had taken them to swimming lessons (that I paid for), spent an hour in the freezing cold at the park while they played, pushed them both on swings, rode bikes and scooters, chalked on the driveway, fed them at least 8,000 meals (ok, that's an exaggeration, more like 1,500 meals and snacks because, BOYS), and helped them both make masks so they could look like Batman. I was tired, and I still had dinner to make, work of my own to do, a sick cat to attend to and a floor to sweep.

It wasn't that I needed time "alone", I just needed time to hear my own thoughts, get dinner on the table and breathe. Also, I don't like playing lego.

But my explanation of why I couldn't build some Star Wars ship thingy didn't fly with Z. And he threw an even bigger, redheaded tantrum. He said I was "THE WORST MOM EVER" and that I was "SO MEAN TO HIM ALWAYS". He crossed his arms and kicked his feet and railed against a mom who would dare to not drop it all to build him a lego ship.

So I looked at him and told him "I'm not your friend". Because I'm not.

I'm his mother. I love him more than anything and would do anything to help him, but building Star Wars ship thingys actually isn't something I am obligated or desire to do.

Because keeping my kids "entertained" is not my job as a parent.

But that is where I have previously failed as a mom.

I used to equate my kid's happiness with a lack of boredom. It didn't matter if I had dishes, dinner, or work- if either boy needed me to play, I was there. I created games, I looked up Star Wars thingys on Google so I could build them, I played so many rounds of Jenga you wouldn't even believe! And then I would stay up until midnight getting all the stuff done in my house or work life that I had ignored because I had a bored(ish) kid.

It wasn't until this year that I realized how wrong I was.

Listen, it's not that playing with your kids or helping them out is wrong- it isn't...in fact it's an awesome thing do to. But what I had been teaching my boys by constantly dropping EVERYTHING to be their "playmate" is that they are not responsible for their own entertainment (or "happiness") and that their mom is their friend. And both of those lessons are not ones I wish to teach my sons.

I am not my kids friend. I am their parent. I am here to love the heck out of them and care for their physical, spiritual and emotional needs. I am here to listen to their joy and pain. I am here to comfort, scold, direct and encourage. I am here to love them unconditionally but reprimand (yes, even yell) when they are wrong. I am here to teach them and facilitate experiences that will help them grow into productive adults.

But I am not their friend.

I am their parent.

And what a disservice I have been doing by allowing them to think otherwise. What a disservice to them, as future adults, to think of the person in authority as a buddy and someone who bends to their whims and desires with the snap of a finger.

And so I have began to remind them- often in the middle of a tantrum, but then more calmly after the dust has settled- that I am not their friend. I am not responsible for neither their play time nor their creativity. I am not the root cause of their boredom and I am not responsible for their constant entertainment.

In the end, Z built his own version of a Star Wars ship thingy (I did look it up on my phone so he could try to replicate it, for what it's worth). My younger built a tower of blocks. Z eventually ambled over and said I wasn't THE WORST mom on earth (gee thanks), and I got dinner on the table.

It wasn't exactly a monumental moment in our house, or even a lightbulb moment for me, but rather a  (noisy, full of yelling and whining) reminder that being a parent is hard. But being a parent that falls into the "friend" category and caters to your child's every fancy is even harder.

Amazon Family

I love books. My kids love books (PHEW! I think every parent breathes a sigh of relief when their kids actually ask for books!).

And as much as I wish I could visit bookstores and libraries on a regular basis, our lives are already so busy that browsing the shelves for a new read (or for anything really) has often fallen to the wayside in favour of the convenience of browsing online.

And that's why I love Amazon. 

I'm sure you're familiar with the services that Amazon offers - books, DVDs, CDs - but they have recently launched a new platform that I am so excited to share with you!

Amazon.ca has launched Amazon Family. Amazon Family members will receive 20% off diaper subscriptions and Unlimited FREE Two-Day Shipping on eligible items with Amazon Prime. The membership program also provides new and expecting families with promotions and discounts, available exclusively for Amazon Family members. After a 30 day free trial, Amazon Family members will continue to enjoy those benefits as part of a Prime membership for the annual fee of CAD $79.   

Let's face it- parenting is so awesome but it isn't cheap! Amazon Family was created to offer families amazing price-points on all those essentials your family needs (I'm thinking diapers, toys, strollers, and more!) and even better they offer awesome advantages, including

  

• 20% off diapers with a Subscribe & Save subscription.
• Unlimited FREE Two-Day Shipping on millions of items with Amazon Prime, including strollers, high chairs, car seats and more.
• Access to Amazon Family exclusive discounts and offers on key necessities, including items for the nursery, toys, newborn accessories, children’s books and more. 

Best? When you buy it, it's delivered to your door! The convenience, the prices, the one-stop-shop-from-home-in-your-pjs, all make it totally worth it!

And for me? Well, I opted to use my subscription to load up my emerging reader with books he could succeed in reading and my wee book lover with his favourite books (FRRRROOOOOOGGGGYYYYYYY!). I can safely say that the price points for all items were spot on (and I'm not just talking books!) and having my purchases dropped off at my door really made my life that much easier.

Make sure you visit Amazon Family today and compare their products and prices with the stores you're currently shopping at. I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised:)